Are You Ready to Date Again?

By Esther Boykin - Thu, Jan 20, 2011 1:33 PM PST

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The ending of a long relationship is one of the most stressful events in life. Whether its divorce or simply breaking up with a boyfriend after many years together, the process is often excruciating. Suddenly going from part of an "us" to a "me" again sends most women reeling for a long time after you've said your last goodbye. And if breaking up wasn't hard enough now, after years of no practice, you have to make your way back into the dating pool. So what's a newly single girl to do when it comes to re-entering the dating world? Here are a few tips on how to get back into the swing of things.

Let them Know You're Open for Business
One of the hardest parts of dating after a long period living in a relationship is simply opening the door for new partners. As part of a monogamous relationship, you learn how to disengage from the advances of other men. You try not to look too long in the direction of a handsome man or not to be too friendly with the cute guy in the grocery store. But now that you are single you are supposed to do these things; you are supposed to invite the advances of others. After years of focusing on that one special somebody it can be hard to figure out how to be engaging and flirtatious again. One of the simplest ways to start is by looking at your body language. Uncross your arms, look people in the eye and don't forget to smile... nothing invites flirting from a potential suitor like flashing a warm smile.

Update Your Wardrobe
One of the many things that people in relationships tend to neglect over time is their appearance. When the days of romantic date nights and dress-to-impress rendezvous have disappeared, usually so does the motivation to dress nicely. I have watched women who once planned every outfit down to the accessories easily slip into a daily uniform of ratty jeans and tee shirt in no time. Add in the stress of your break-up and any potential financial implications it had, it's a wonder you get dressed at all. But dating is about first impressions and everywhere you go is an opportunity to meet your next Mr. Right. So dig out some of your favorite old outfits or invest in some new looks and start dressing up again! Need some inspiration? Check out What I Wore Wednesdays (WIWW), one of my favorite recent blog discoveries. Started by Lindsey over at The Pleated Poppy, as a way to force her to put on something besides sweatpants every day, it's a fun concept that has women all over the internet photographing and sharing their outfits each week. The idea is great and fits perfectly here. Visit any of the blogs that participate in WIWW and get your style back in gear.

Take Care of Your Body
Now I know what you're thinking; of course I could stand to drop a few pounds before I start showing off my new wardrobe. But I want you to consider taking care of your body in a much broader view. Maybe you want to lose weight or tone up but taking care of your body should be about something much more important than looking good in a bikini. How you treat your body is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Exercise and eating right require effort but the rewards are immeasurable. Keeping your body healthy means reducing stress, increasing your overall health, and ultimately leads to you feeling more confident. When you make caring for yourself a priority you are telling the world that you are someone to be valued and will attract people that are ready to value you too. And if you are looking to increase your sex appeal, remember that nothing is sexier than a confident woman, no matter what her dress size.

Make Your List and Check it Twice
Coming out of a long-term relationship most people assume that you know exactly what you want, or don't want, in your next relationship. But the truth is that often times we leave one relationship and go running into another one full of the same issues just with a different looking guy. Use your post-break-up time to really assess the qualities that you are looking for in a relationship and in a partner. It's ok to say that you want a tall guy or one who has a good job but these aren't the most important criteria to consider. As you well know, looks do not help you compromise during a fight and while a big pay check makes for some nice vacations it won't make him funnier or more willing to help with the dishes. Take a look at what went wrong in your relationship and take stock of how things got that way including how you contributed to the problems. This is a time for reflection and self-growth. Make sure that your list of "must-haves" includes the qualities that you will bring to your next relationship not just what you hope your next partner will be like.