What makes a man leave arelationship? How come no matter how much you love each other, some
relationships end in break-ups anyway? Often, it takes just ONE THING to ruin a wonderful relationship.
Today, we'll be talking about three of the top reasons why men leave.
Right now, think of your past relationships. Have you ever wondered why they didn't work out, even if you loved each other very much? Here are some of the most likely reasons!
REASON #1 - HE MIGHT BE SCARED OF YOU.
Surprised? I know how "unmanly" it may sound to hear a guy's actually SCARED of you. But guess what? It happens a lot in the dating game! Sometimes, a guy simply loves you SO MUCH that his mind totally goes blank when he's with you -- and that's why the relationship never takes off!
One of my readers, let's call her GD, was once in a relationship with a good friend of hers. The relationship didn't work out, but after the break-up, that was when she actually fell in love HARD
with him. And now, no matter what she tries, she can't seem to get him back again!
"We get along fine whenever we're with his friends," GD wrote to me. "But when we're alone together, he's suddenly nervous and jittery. He doesn't seem to want to talk about the relationship, and it's almost like he wants to get away from me. Alex, does he find me unattractive?"
GD, I don't think he finds you unattractive. In fact, I think he actually LOVES you, too! But yes, I do see a problem -- it seems that even though he has feelings for you too, he simply doesn't know how to handle you. That's why he seems so nervous around you! So here's my advice -- keep spending time with him.
Little by little, show him (don't tell him) that he can trust you with anything. Show him that he can tell you anything, no matter how secret or naughty or embarrassing it might be. Why? Simple...
The first thing he needs to be is COMFORTABLE with you! If he seems nervous around you, it could be because he's worried about turning you off or offending you. When you feel this is the case, try to
make him more comfortable by having an "anything goes" approach to yourconversation. Got it? Good. Let's move on to the second top reason why men leave:
REASON #2 - YOU DEPEND TOO MUCH ON HIM.
Another reason why men leave their relationships is because their girlfriends or wives depend too much on them. True, it's the guy's job to keep the relationship stable.
But sometimes, when the woman does too little, then the pressure gets too much for him to bear -- and he starts looking for the easy way out. Another one of my readers, KC, has been in-and-out of her relationship with her man since 1998. That's right -- in-and-out for almost 13 whole years! Could you believe it? But that was KC's reality, and she explained it well in her e-mail to me:"I don't understand why our relationship isn't working," KC wrote. "I've put him ahead of me. I'm willing to sacrifice my integrity just to make him happy and keep the relationship together. I simply can't live without him, Alex -- I'd rather die than not have him by my side! What can I do?"
KC, I hate to break it to you, but I've a feeling that since you pin too much of your happiness on him, you're putting him under a LOT of pressure. After all, he has his own happiness to worry about, too – taking responsibility for the happiness of TWO people might be a little too much for him.
So here's my (painful) advice – for your sake and his sake, let go of your dependence on him. Learn to stand on your own two feet. Learn to depend on YOURSELF for your own happiness. The easier the relationship becomes for him, the easier it will be for him to stay!
Ironically, "letting go" actually encourages him to stay...When you let go of your dependence on him, and simply let him know that you'll always be there for him, then he'll be more likely to realize that you ARE the best person to spend the rest of his life with. Don't push the issue -- invite him in!
Now let's move on to the third top reason why he may have broken up with you:
#3 - HE'S NOT READY FOR THE RESPONSIBILITY.
Let's face the sad fact -- most men out there simply aren't ready for the responsibilities of a serious
relationship. The reasons vary...Sometimes they love being single too much. Sometimes they haven't recovered from a bad relationship yet. And sometimes they're just jerks!
Our third reader e-mail today comes from DA. The man in her life still hasn't recovered from a bad past relationship, and is actually still in love with his ex-girlfriend. DA, for her part, does what she can to support him and love him -- sometimes, a little too much...
"I always console him whenever he misses his ex-girlfriend," DA writes. "One night, when he was particularly lonely, I actually let him into the bedroom and had comfort sex with him. Later on, he
told me that while he DID love me, he felt I didn't deserve someone messed up like him. What should I do?" DA, I think it's pretty obvious – he simply isn't ready for a new relationship.
He's not ready to take responsibility for a new relationship when he's still "tying up loose ends" in a previous one. And if a guy isn't ready for the responsibilities, then your relationship will ALWAYS be unstable and unsure! So here's my advice: Simply be there for him.
I've a feeling he feels ashamed, since he's torn between two women and you're the one who's suffering the most. Don't make the mistake of FORCING him to forget his ex-girlfriend -- it's insensitive, and he'll resent it! Instead, gently let him know about YOUR wishes for the relationship. For instance, tell him: "I love you, and I'm very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. But if you need time to sort your feelings, I won't stop you. Just remember that I'll always be here for you." See? Now he knows what YOU want, and that you're not holding his problems against him. It's a big step in making him realize that you really ARE better for him than his ex-girlfriend -- and it'll motivate him to truly, finally close that chapter in his life, and start a new one with you!
relationships end in break-ups anyway? Often, it takes just ONE THING to ruin a wonderful relationship.
Today, we'll be talking about three of the top reasons why men leave.
Right now, think of your past relationships. Have you ever wondered why they didn't work out, even if you loved each other very much? Here are some of the most likely reasons!
REASON #1 - HE MIGHT BE SCARED OF YOU.
Surprised? I know how "unmanly" it may sound to hear a guy's actually SCARED of you. But guess what? It happens a lot in the dating game! Sometimes, a guy simply loves you SO MUCH that his mind totally goes blank when he's with you -- and that's why the relationship never takes off!
One of my readers, let's call her GD, was once in a relationship with a good friend of hers. The relationship didn't work out, but after the break-up, that was when she actually fell in love HARD
with him. And now, no matter what she tries, she can't seem to get him back again!
"We get along fine whenever we're with his friends," GD wrote to me. "But when we're alone together, he's suddenly nervous and jittery. He doesn't seem to want to talk about the relationship, and it's almost like he wants to get away from me. Alex, does he find me unattractive?"
GD, I don't think he finds you unattractive. In fact, I think he actually LOVES you, too! But yes, I do see a problem -- it seems that even though he has feelings for you too, he simply doesn't know how to handle you. That's why he seems so nervous around you! So here's my advice -- keep spending time with him.
Little by little, show him (don't tell him) that he can trust you with anything. Show him that he can tell you anything, no matter how secret or naughty or embarrassing it might be. Why? Simple...
The first thing he needs to be is COMFORTABLE with you! If he seems nervous around you, it could be because he's worried about turning you off or offending you. When you feel this is the case, try to
make him more comfortable by having an "anything goes" approach to yourconversation. Got it? Good. Let's move on to the second top reason why men leave:
REASON #2 - YOU DEPEND TOO MUCH ON HIM.
Another reason why men leave their relationships is because their girlfriends or wives depend too much on them. True, it's the guy's job to keep the relationship stable.
But sometimes, when the woman does too little, then the pressure gets too much for him to bear -- and he starts looking for the easy way out. Another one of my readers, KC, has been in-and-out of her relationship with her man since 1998. That's right -- in-and-out for almost 13 whole years! Could you believe it? But that was KC's reality, and she explained it well in her e-mail to me:"I don't understand why our relationship isn't working," KC wrote. "I've put him ahead of me. I'm willing to sacrifice my integrity just to make him happy and keep the relationship together. I simply can't live without him, Alex -- I'd rather die than not have him by my side! What can I do?"
KC, I hate to break it to you, but I've a feeling that since you pin too much of your happiness on him, you're putting him under a LOT of pressure. After all, he has his own happiness to worry about, too – taking responsibility for the happiness of TWO people might be a little too much for him.
So here's my (painful) advice – for your sake and his sake, let go of your dependence on him. Learn to stand on your own two feet. Learn to depend on YOURSELF for your own happiness. The easier the relationship becomes for him, the easier it will be for him to stay!
Ironically, "letting go" actually encourages him to stay...When you let go of your dependence on him, and simply let him know that you'll always be there for him, then he'll be more likely to realize that you ARE the best person to spend the rest of his life with. Don't push the issue -- invite him in!
Now let's move on to the third top reason why he may have broken up with you:
#3 - HE'S NOT READY FOR THE RESPONSIBILITY.
Let's face the sad fact -- most men out there simply aren't ready for the responsibilities of a serious
relationship. The reasons vary...Sometimes they love being single too much. Sometimes they haven't recovered from a bad relationship yet. And sometimes they're just jerks!
Our third reader e-mail today comes from DA. The man in her life still hasn't recovered from a bad past relationship, and is actually still in love with his ex-girlfriend. DA, for her part, does what she can to support him and love him -- sometimes, a little too much...
"I always console him whenever he misses his ex-girlfriend," DA writes. "One night, when he was particularly lonely, I actually let him into the bedroom and had comfort sex with him. Later on, he
told me that while he DID love me, he felt I didn't deserve someone messed up like him. What should I do?" DA, I think it's pretty obvious – he simply isn't ready for a new relationship.
He's not ready to take responsibility for a new relationship when he's still "tying up loose ends" in a previous one. And if a guy isn't ready for the responsibilities, then your relationship will ALWAYS be unstable and unsure! So here's my advice: Simply be there for him.
I've a feeling he feels ashamed, since he's torn between two women and you're the one who's suffering the most. Don't make the mistake of FORCING him to forget his ex-girlfriend -- it's insensitive, and he'll resent it! Instead, gently let him know about YOUR wishes for the relationship. For instance, tell him: "I love you, and I'm very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. But if you need time to sort your feelings, I won't stop you. Just remember that I'll always be here for you." See? Now he knows what YOU want, and that you're not holding his problems against him. It's a big step in making him realize that you really ARE better for him than his ex-girlfriend -- and it'll motivate him to truly, finally close that chapter in his life, and start a new one with you!
-Alexandra Fox-
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