How do the men in town see you? Do they even see you at all? It takes a really special woman to catch the attention -- and later on, the RESPECT -- of the men she meets Wouldn't it be great if the men in town knew you by name, and thought you were one of the "coolest" women around?
"G? Yeah, I know her. She's cool." "I see G walking around town all alone. I wonder if she's single..." "How was your date last night? Was she material?"
Here's the thing -- it takes a really special woman to make men think she's "cool." Are you cool? Do the men around you like you and respect you? Are they impressed by you? The good news is that being "cool" isn't all that hard to do at all!
TRAIT #1 - DO YOU HAVE A BAD TEMPER?
Do you get made when he doesn't call as often as you want, or when he cancels a date, or when he does something you don't agree with?
Do you sometimes argue with him over what he sees as "little things," but you feel it's a really big deal?
SN, a reader, wrote to me about her situation recently. She's great buddies with this guy in school, and she sometimes wonders whether this is "the one" for her.
The problem is that he recently did something that made her uneasy. Here's what SN wrote me:
"We like being together, cracking jokes and just smiling at each other goofily," SN explained. "But a few weeks ago, he didn't make it to my birthday party. He lives quite a distance away from where I
live, so he wasn't able to make the trip. Alex, should I understand him, or get mad at him?"
SN, here's my advice straight up -- DON'T get mad at him! He has a good excuse for not being able
to make the trip, so let it slide. It's a little thing -- and if you get mad at him over a little thing, how bad
will you react when he makes a BIG mistake down the line?
Here's the advice I give my readers and clients all the time -- don't get mad at him over the little things.
ONLY get mad at him if he starts lying, cheating, stealing, or doing anything against the law.
But when he's just being his cute little quirky self, LET IT SLIDE!
"Cool" girls know when to let things slide. When men realize that you're level-headed enough not let the little things bother you, they'll think you're strong enough to handle the BIG things too -- and they find that really, REALLY sexy!
#2 - DO YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS?
Here's another question -- what do you think of women who can sleep with men too quickly in the relationship, such as right after the first date? Are they cool, or are they uncool? If you don't know the answer, then don't worry -- a LOT of women don't! AE, another reader of mine, wrote to me about this VERY common question. She comes from a conservative background that encourages her to save sex for the first night of marriage.
And while she's proud of her standards, she worries that it's keeping the men away... "Most of the men I met talk about having sex with me within the first few months," AE complained. "I tell them that I'm saving it for marriage, but as a result, they don't stay with me for very long. Should I give in to their wishes to finally get a boyfriend who will stay with me?"
For AE and everyone asking the same question, here's my answer: KEEP YOUR STANDARDS UP!
If your beliefs dictate that you save sex for marriage, stick to your beliefs. If having sex too early in the
relationship makes you feel dirty and guilty, then don't do it.
You're TOTALLY in control of your decisions! Here's what I think -- would you really lower your standards for a guy? Would you really sacrifice your integrity just to get a boyfriend? No, right? (I hope not!) Ladies, when it comes down to it, your own integrity will always, ALWAYS be more important than a boyfriend. Always!
So that's my advice -- keep your standards up. Stick to what you believe in. Stick to your values. Stick to your priorities. Trust me, it takes a VERY strong woman to stand up for her beliefs. And when you're strong enough to do so, eventually you'll attract men who'll understand you, respect you, and LOVE
you for the truly "cool" woman you are. And when they finally come, you'll know that it was well worth the wait!
#3 - ARE YOU AFRAID OF GETTING HURT?
Here's the situation -- after a long, casual relationship, he finally tells you he loves you. What do you say? Do you take him seriously and say "I love you, too?" Or do you start to feel suspicious --after all, your relationship has been non-committed all this time?
That's the situation that JH, one of my readers, found herself in just recently. Let's read her e-mail together:
Here's another question -- what do you think of women who can sleep with men too quickly in the relationship, such as right after the first date? Are they cool, or are they uncool? If you don't know the answer, then don't worry -- a LOT of women don't! AE, another reader of mine, wrote to me about this VERY common question. She comes from a conservative background that encourages her to save sex for the first night of marriage.
And while she's proud of her standards, she worries that it's keeping the men away... "Most of the men I met talk about having sex with me within the first few months," AE complained. "I tell them that I'm saving it for marriage, but as a result, they don't stay with me for very long. Should I give in to their wishes to finally get a boyfriend who will stay with me?"
For AE and everyone asking the same question, here's my answer: KEEP YOUR STANDARDS UP!
If your beliefs dictate that you save sex for marriage, stick to your beliefs. If having sex too early in the
relationship makes you feel dirty and guilty, then don't do it.
You're TOTALLY in control of your decisions! Here's what I think -- would you really lower your standards for a guy? Would you really sacrifice your integrity just to get a boyfriend? No, right? (I hope not!) Ladies, when it comes down to it, your own integrity will always, ALWAYS be more important than a boyfriend. Always!
So that's my advice -- keep your standards up. Stick to what you believe in. Stick to your values. Stick to your priorities. Trust me, it takes a VERY strong woman to stand up for her beliefs. And when you're strong enough to do so, eventually you'll attract men who'll understand you, respect you, and LOVE
you for the truly "cool" woman you are. And when they finally come, you'll know that it was well worth the wait!
#3 - ARE YOU AFRAID OF GETTING HURT?
Here's the situation -- after a long, casual relationship, he finally tells you he loves you. What do you say? Do you take him seriously and say "I love you, too?" Or do you start to feel suspicious --after all, your relationship has been non-committed all this time?
That's the situation that JH, one of my readers, found herself in just recently. Let's read her e-mail together:
"We've been in a non-committed relationship for the past 5 months," JH wrote. "But one day, I got into a car accident with a semi-truck. I wasn't hurt, but my boyfriend made the two-hour trip from his town to see me that night. While cuddling, he finally said 'I love you' to me. I didn't say anything.
"Alex, is he serious? I'm just scared of getting hurt by a guy again. I've already experienced being left by a boyfriend in the past, even after he told me he loved me." Well, JH, here's my advice -- do you love him back? If you do, then take a chance on the relationship and TELL HIM! Here's an important difference between ordinary and "cool" women. "Cool" women aren't afraid to get hurt by a relationship that doesn't work out. If the relationship works out, great. If it doesn't, that's okay -- she's too cool to be hung up over one guy anyway! So don't be afraid of getting hurt. After all, most of us go through a few bad boys before we meet "Mr. Right!"
Just make sure that the guy you're seeing is always better than the last one -- don't settle for any less. That way you'll keep meeting better and higher-quality men all the time!
WANT TO BE COOL?
The bottom line is this -- a "cool" woman knows her way around the dating game. She knows how love works, she knows what she wants, and she knows EXACTLY how to deal with the men she meets in her life.
"Alex, is he serious? I'm just scared of getting hurt by a guy again. I've already experienced being left by a boyfriend in the past, even after he told me he loved me." Well, JH, here's my advice -- do you love him back? If you do, then take a chance on the relationship and TELL HIM! Here's an important difference between ordinary and "cool" women. "Cool" women aren't afraid to get hurt by a relationship that doesn't work out. If the relationship works out, great. If it doesn't, that's okay -- she's too cool to be hung up over one guy anyway! So don't be afraid of getting hurt. After all, most of us go through a few bad boys before we meet "Mr. Right!"
Just make sure that the guy you're seeing is always better than the last one -- don't settle for any less. That way you'll keep meeting better and higher-quality men all the time!
WANT TO BE COOL?
The bottom line is this -- a "cool" woman knows her way around the dating game. She knows how love works, she knows what she wants, and she knows EXACTLY how to deal with the men she meets in her life.
-Alexandra Fox-
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