Signs Of A Trouble

Have you ever had the gut feeling that something's wrong in your relationship?

Here's my opinion -- your women'sintuition is more often right than wrong. And the worst thing you can do about your gut feeling is to leave it alone, hoping that it'll go away! Why? Simply because troubled relationships go downhill REALLY fast.

The problems may be small in the beginning, but if you leave them alone, they'll keep growing and growing.  Until, too late, you realize that the problems have grown so big that it's impossible to fix them! So it's a good idea to spot the signs of a troubled relationship soon. Here are some of the signs you should watch out for:

SIGN #1 - YOU'RE NOT SPENDING AS MUCH TIME WITH EACH OTHER AS BEFORE

A loving boyfriend or husband knows that to keep the relationship alive and strong, communication lines have to stay open between the two of you. That's why it's a good idea to have regular dates with each other -- twice a week is healthy.  But if he's suddenly canceling dates, and no longer seems to be interested in keeping the "schedule," it could mean that he's losing interest in your relationship.

It could be because of an argument he couldn't forget, or he's simply not the kind of guy who's ready for a relationship.  But it could also mean that you're seeing each other too much.  I always tell my readers and clients to use the "twice-a-week" approach to dating, since it's the perfect balance between growing the relationship and focusing on other aspects of your life, which is also important.  Any more than that, and it'll start feeling like a chore!

SIGN #2 - HE DOESN'T COMMUNICATE AS MUCH AS BEFORE

Texting and e-mailing and Facebook "liking" are tiny ways to show affection, no matter how silly and
simple they may sound.  It doesn't matter if you just texted him to ask about his day -- it has all the
communication importance of a three-hour long heart-to-heart talk.  That's why if the texts, e-mails, and Facebook messages stop coming, it's cause to worry.

Again, it could be because you're taking too much of each other's time – after all, it's often not a good idea to text during office hours. It's distracting, and it can get one of you fired!  Still, when the communication lines aren't as open now as they were before, be on your guard. He could simply be busy catching up with work, which might be the case if you're seeing each other too much. But be careful anyway -- and stay on the lookout for any more "troubled" signs!

SIGN #3 - HE SEEMS MORE INTERESTED IN HIS FRIENDS

Now, guys being busy with work is pretty understandable -- after all, raising a family is no joke! But when he seems more interested in meeting his friends than meeting you, then that could be a really bad sign.  his usually happens when you've had an argument recently, and he still hasn't cooled down even if you've already patched things up.  Obviously, spending time with you would only make his mood worse -- and that's why he spends time with people he finds a little more familiar.

WHAT TO DO

Now, the first thing that most women do in a troubled relationship is to CONFRONT their boyfriends or husbands about the problem.  They think that if the guy has a problem with the relationship, it's his
responsibility to fix it.  Obviously, that doesn't work too well...

I've counseled thousands of women in my life, and believe me, I've yet to see a relationship that was fixed when the woman CONFRONTED the guy.  Sure, it can get the relationship back together again for a few days, but it's bound to fall apart sooner or later.

So here's my advice -- focus on NOT making things worse.  Admit to yourself that there's a problem, but find creative, thoughtful, more agreeable ways to bring it up with your partner  Here are a few tips to make the "patching up" process easier:

TIP #1 - DON'T SWEAT IT.

That's right -- don't sweat it... too much.  Sure, be worried. Worry will keep you from ignoring the problem and hoping it'll go away by itself. (It won't.)  But on the other hand, don't get TOO worried!
Getting too worried can lead to confrontations, begging, arguments, crying -- everything that makes a man think, "Oh man, this is crazy, I gotta get out of here."

Remember my advice -- focus on NOT making things worse!  Instead of worrying too much, stay calm.
Keep the problem as it is -- and find better ways to fix it.  And that leads me to Tip #2:

TIP #2 - USE YOUR HEAD, NOT YOUR HEART.

Here's another "unconventional" piece of advice -- when dealing with a troubled relationship, use your head, not your heart.  In other words, don't use your emotions when trying to fix the relationship -- because your emotions are more likely to lead you to confrontation and arguments!

Here's the secret -- when it comes to GROWING your relationship, use your heart.  But when it comes to FIXING your relationship, use your head!  Relationship problems usually start when you mix things up.  Here's a good example of using your head to fix a troubled relationship:

TIP #3 - INVITE HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT

As I've mentioned, confronting him about the problem doesn't work. He doesn't like being in the spotlight, he doesn't appreciate the pressure, and it simply adds another problem into the mix. So I suggest a different approach --something I call "Inviting him in."  He'll be much more likely to respond to you if you INVITE him to talk instead of FORCING him.  Case in point? A client of mine, CC, who used the following dialogue with her husband to fix a problem in their relationship:
CC: "Honey, is there something wrong?"  CC's husband: "Nothing, I'm fine."
CC: "Okay, but if you need to talk about anything, I'll just be here, okay?"

Guess what? CC's husband immediately told her about his misgivings about certain aspects of their relationship.  What followed was a heart-to-heart talk that lasted several hours, and fortunately, they patched things up and emerged a stronger, happier, more loving married couple.

All because CC "invited" him to talk. No confrontations, no accusations, no bickering!  WHAT NEXT?
Usually, when you can invite him to talk to you honestly about how he feels in the relationship, it's enough to fix the problem.

But why stop there? Why not fix the problem in such a way that it actually PREVENTS any more similar problems from popping up in the relationship?  It CAN be done!  Ordinary women can fix a relationship
problem...

But it takes an absolutely SPECIAL woman to fix a relationship problem FOR GOOD -- and even turn it into something that makes the relationship MUCH stronger for the rest of time. - Alexandra Fox-