WHY MEN WON'T COMMIT

Are you stuck with a man who says he loves you, but won't commit to a more serious relationship? Either he's simply unwilling or unprepared to handle marriage -- or you may be doing certain things that's keeping him from committing!

Picture this -- you meet a great man who likes you too. You start going out, and it's clear to you that he sees as more than just a friend.  He's very sweet, he gives you gifts, he sends you those sweet nothings over text and e-mail.

And if you're the adventurous type, you may have enjoyed some great sex, too!  Then one day, you decide it's time to take things to the next level.  So you talk to him and ask what he thinks about getting married and settling down.

Then, to your utter shock, he tells you: "I'm not really ready for a relationship yet."  What gives? If he wasn't ready all this time, then why was he being so sweet to you?  Was he just playing you for a fool? Or are all men really just after the sex?

Not many people know this, but here's the difference between us women and the men in our lives...First of all, when we're exclusively dating him, it means we love him. If we actually go all the way and have sex with him, it means we love him and we want him to be ours.

We women also tend to think that when the relationship has went on "long enough," it's actually time to get serious and settle down.  But guess what?  Men DON'T think the same way we do when it comes to love and relationships.  They don't!

He won't commit to you simply because you're dating, or simply because you've already taken things to the bedroom, or simply because you feel the relationship has dragged on "long enough."  He won't.

Here's the secret: A man will commit to you for two reasons, and two reasons ONLY:

REASON #1 - IF YOU MAKE HIS LIFE BETTER, NOT WORSE.

I once received a long, depressing e-mail from a reader. RK wrote to me about how she was in the middle of a difficult setup with the man in her life:

"I'm in love with a great man. The problem is that he seems to love his mother more. His mother is the
consummate drama queen! She rants a lot, she makes an issue out of the tiniest things, she invades my privacy, and she doesn't hesitate to pick on me.

"Alex, I can't stand her. But when I tell him anything less than positive about his mom, he gets mad at me.  He'll start talking to me less, he won't ask me out as often, and he'll start feeling annoyed whenever I flirt or get touchy-feely. What should I do in this situation?"  RK is obviously in trouble -- the man in
her life has clearly shown that he loves his mom more than her!

And if RK keeps trying to think of ways to get rid of her from her life, or take him all for herself, then I can tell you right now -- it's NOT going to work out.  Why?  Because here's reason #1 - he'll only commit to RK if she makes his life better, instead of worse.

And obviously, if she takes his mom out of the equation, it's going to make his life worse.  That's the reason why he starts to dislike RK whenever she tries to complain about his mom!  No, he's not going to choose between RK and his mom, and he's going to find that little gray area in the middle where he's most happy.

And if RK does force him to choose between her and his mom, he'll resent the ultimatum -- and choose his mom in retaliation.  RK still loses! So what do you do if you're stuck in a similar situation?

Simple -- find ways to make both your lives better and more enjoyable at the same time! For instance, RK will need to get over her hatred of his mom, and may even need to learn to get on her good side.
If she can't do that, then she's probably better off if she stopped trying to make it work, say goodbye, and start meeting new men again.

So remember reason #1 - you have to make his life better instead of worse.  Ask yourself right now -- what can you do to be a part of his life AND make it better for him at the same time? Here's reason #2:

REASON #2 - HE HAS TO FEEL TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

It's a no-brainer, but a man must be in love with you before he can bring himself to commit to you.  No, that's an understatement -- he has to feel TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, MADLY in love with you!  Any woman can make his life better.  But it takes a very special woman to make him fall in love!

I once had a client named "Samantha" who went to me with a problem with the man she was dating. Apparently, there were a few things in his personality that he simply couldn't stand:

"He has some 'mama's boy' traits that I find incredibly annoying," Samantha told me. "I hate it, and he knows it.  In fact, his attitude is the cause of many of our arguments.  "Alex, what can I do to change him? Because besides his being a mama's boy, he's a good person."

I'm going to tell you what I told Samantha that day. I told her that no matter what she did, the guy was NOT going to change.  He wasn't going to change if she told him to, if she BEGGED him to, or even if she BRIBED him to.  Why?

Because he's only going to change for you IF HE'S MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.  A guy won't change because other people tell him to.  A guy will only change IF HE WANTS TO.  It's HIM who's going to decide, not you.  And he's only going to change for you if he's truly, deeply in love with you!  Here's the thing -- if you want him to accept you and commit to you, then be ready to do the same. You'll have to
learn to accept his quirks, no matter how annoying they may be.

(By the way, I'm not talking about ALL his quirks. If his quirks pose a threat to your life and the life of others, do this instead -- run away as far as you can from him!)  If he's not willing to change for you,
then it simply means he doesn't love you enough -- a sign that it's not going to work out.

But at the same time, if you can't bring yourself to accept his flaws, then be ready to call it quits and start dating other men -- you deserve better! -Alexandra Fox-

Empat Prinsip Zen Untuk Menjerat Pria Pilihan

Ada banyak tekhnik mendapatkan pria pilihan. Ingin tau seperti apa prinsip Zen mengajarkan cara menjerat sang Mr.Right?

Untuk meraih cinta yang anda dambakan, prinsip Zen menyarankan anda untuk membuka hati, menjernihkan pikiran, dan menjadi diri anda yang sesungguhnya.  Sesudah bosan menjadi lajang dan terus-terusan dihantam badai asmara? Coba belajar enam latihan ini:

1. Tengok Si Pria Yang Ada di Sisi Anda
Tak ada yang menyalahkan jika anda mencari cinta ke segala penjuru mata angin. Menurut Zen, ada baiknya anda berhenti berlari kesana kemari (hanya buang energi saja!) dan lihat siapa yang ada di depan anda.

Luangkan waktu browsing semua daftar pria teman anda. Apakah itu hanya teman biasa atau daftar pacar potensial (you never know!), perhatikan kenapa selama ini anda tak pernah memikirkan kemungkinan yang bisa terjadi dan prospeknya dalam hidup anda. Intinya, jika anda mampu beradaptasi dengan berbagai macam tipe atau karakter pria, kesempatan untuk mendapatkan pria idaman pun makin terbuka lebar.

2. Jangan Bermain-main dengan Cinta
Banyak wanita lajang yang mengeluh merasa tak dicintai. Apa penyebabnya? Kemungkinannya, sebetulnya mereka terlalu sibuk bermain-main dalam permainan asmara, sehingga pasangan potensial tak punya kesempatan untuk mengenal secara lebih dekat.
Coba tanyakan pada diri anda sendiri: peran apa yang ingin anda mainkan dalam hubungan cinta? lalu, peran apa yang anda harapkan dari pasangan? Saat tak yakin dengan peran yang dimainkan, ada baiknya ganti perspektif. 

Tujuannya, agar bisa mengerti perbedaan antara diri anda yang sebenarnya dengan peran yang anda mainkan. Akhirnya, anda akan mampu melepaskan "peran bayangan" itu dan menjadi diri sendiri!

3. Biarkan Pasangan datang dan Pergi
Biarpun anda tahu kalau pria itu sebenarnya tak cocok, ada kalanya anda tetap mempertahankannya untuk suatu alasan yang tak jelas. Menurut prinsip Zen, jangan biarkan kepergiannya membuat trauma atau anda merasa hal itu sebagai penolakan.

Ingat, kepergiannya sama sekali tidak ada hubungannya dengan diri anda. Sebaliknya, saat seseorang datang ke dalam hidup anda, sambut dia, siapapun orangnya. Nikmati apa yang diberikannya kepada anda.

4. Harapan dan Kenyataan
Apa jadinya kalau cita-cita ideal anda tidak sesuai dengan realita? Ayo, coba buat daftar "standar cinta" menurut anda, dan juga realita yang terjadi. Sadarilah kalau tuntutan sering membuat anda jadi "menutup hati".
Menurut prinsip Zen, bebaskan diri dari beban ini. Misalnya saja, anda selalu ingin punya pasangan yang berfisik rupawan. Perhatikan perasaan anda saat jalan dengan seorang pria yang tak tampan (tapi pintar, humoris, dan sangat gentleman). Anda akan sadar kriteria wajib yang tadinya dirasa sangat penting itu justru masalah yang membuat anda susah mendapatkan pria idaman.
 

Keterbukaan pikiran dan hati akan membuka jalan untuk orang baru, kemungkinan, dan situasi baru!

She's the One.. | Hitman System - Solusi Romansa Anda

She's the One.. | Hitman System - Solusi Romansa Anda

Nah ini dia nih salah satu hal mengapa terkadang pria itu "clueless" terjebak dalam lingkaran setan yang mengakibatkan dia sengsara selamanya. Terkadang, pernikahan seringkali berakhir dengan perceraian atau perselingkuhan dikarenakan salah memilih pasangan hidup. Mungkin ini salah satu faktor "why"nya.

Apakah Anda Pria Pemimpin? | Hitman System - Solusi Romansa Anda

Apakah Anda Pria Pemimpin? | Hitman System - Solusi Romansa Anda

wuaa..aku benar-benar salut sama cowok yang satu ini, pemikirannya tentang relationship serta nilai-nilai seorang pria super keren. Dia ini bener-bener sumber inspirasi deh. Pria pemimpin itu adalah idaman seorang wanita, karena memang pria kodratnya adalah pemimpin! Wanita itu mahluk feminin, secara naluriah ingin dipimpin dan dilindungi oleh seorang pria yang memiliki kualitas. Kualitas yang dinamakan kepribadian. Kharisma atau apalah..Kei Savourie ini, adalah role model mengenai pria berkepribadian glossy. Glossy yang dia sebut-sebut adalah kepribadian yang bersinar. Ini dia salah satu artikel yang menarik, sebagai inspirasi untuk pria dan juga untukku wanita.

Guess What? I Can Live Without You

Bukannya Anda tak bisa hidup tanpanya, tapi Anda lebih bahagia saat bersamanya. 

#1. Miss Independent Membantu Anda membetulkan mobil memang membuat si dia merasa dibutuhkan.  Tapi bergantung padanya untuk semua hal? Dia bisa merasa tak nyaman, lho. 

Ayo ingat lagi bagaimana kemandirian Anda sebelum bersamanya!  Ya, tak perlu diantar jemput tiap hari, atau menelponnya sambil menangis setiap kali ada problem.  Take care of yourself sometimes, dear.  Dia justru akan lebih cinta! 

#2. Selalu Bersama? Hmm, tak harus selalu begitu kok.  Every couple needs a time-out.  Daripada selalu pergi berdua, ada baiknya sesekali hang out dengan teman masing-masing.  Biarkan ia bersenang-senang dengan sahabatnya, and get yourself a girl's night out.  Anda dan si dia akan lebih belajar saling percaya, dan lebih menghargai indahnya saat-saat berdua.

#3. Ia Tetap Prioritas Utama.  This is the magic spell, darling! tunjukkan padanya bahwa bagaimanapun mandirinya Anda, dan betapa"gilanya" malam Anda bersama the girls.. Dialah yang paling membuat Anda bahagia.  Robin Western, penulis The Big Book of Relationship Quizzes, berkata, "Saat Anda tetap membuat pasangan merasa jadi nomor satu, Anda pun akan terpuaskan!"

Signs Of A Trouble

Have you ever had the gut feeling that something's wrong in your relationship?

Here's my opinion -- your women'sintuition is more often right than wrong. And the worst thing you can do about your gut feeling is to leave it alone, hoping that it'll go away! Why? Simply because troubled relationships go downhill REALLY fast.

The problems may be small in the beginning, but if you leave them alone, they'll keep growing and growing.  Until, too late, you realize that the problems have grown so big that it's impossible to fix them! So it's a good idea to spot the signs of a troubled relationship soon. Here are some of the signs you should watch out for:

SIGN #1 - YOU'RE NOT SPENDING AS MUCH TIME WITH EACH OTHER AS BEFORE

A loving boyfriend or husband knows that to keep the relationship alive and strong, communication lines have to stay open between the two of you. That's why it's a good idea to have regular dates with each other -- twice a week is healthy.  But if he's suddenly canceling dates, and no longer seems to be interested in keeping the "schedule," it could mean that he's losing interest in your relationship.

It could be because of an argument he couldn't forget, or he's simply not the kind of guy who's ready for a relationship.  But it could also mean that you're seeing each other too much.  I always tell my readers and clients to use the "twice-a-week" approach to dating, since it's the perfect balance between growing the relationship and focusing on other aspects of your life, which is also important.  Any more than that, and it'll start feeling like a chore!

SIGN #2 - HE DOESN'T COMMUNICATE AS MUCH AS BEFORE

Texting and e-mailing and Facebook "liking" are tiny ways to show affection, no matter how silly and
simple they may sound.  It doesn't matter if you just texted him to ask about his day -- it has all the
communication importance of a three-hour long heart-to-heart talk.  That's why if the texts, e-mails, and Facebook messages stop coming, it's cause to worry.

Again, it could be because you're taking too much of each other's time – after all, it's often not a good idea to text during office hours. It's distracting, and it can get one of you fired!  Still, when the communication lines aren't as open now as they were before, be on your guard. He could simply be busy catching up with work, which might be the case if you're seeing each other too much. But be careful anyway -- and stay on the lookout for any more "troubled" signs!

SIGN #3 - HE SEEMS MORE INTERESTED IN HIS FRIENDS

Now, guys being busy with work is pretty understandable -- after all, raising a family is no joke! But when he seems more interested in meeting his friends than meeting you, then that could be a really bad sign.  his usually happens when you've had an argument recently, and he still hasn't cooled down even if you've already patched things up.  Obviously, spending time with you would only make his mood worse -- and that's why he spends time with people he finds a little more familiar.

WHAT TO DO

Now, the first thing that most women do in a troubled relationship is to CONFRONT their boyfriends or husbands about the problem.  They think that if the guy has a problem with the relationship, it's his
responsibility to fix it.  Obviously, that doesn't work too well...

I've counseled thousands of women in my life, and believe me, I've yet to see a relationship that was fixed when the woman CONFRONTED the guy.  Sure, it can get the relationship back together again for a few days, but it's bound to fall apart sooner or later.

So here's my advice -- focus on NOT making things worse.  Admit to yourself that there's a problem, but find creative, thoughtful, more agreeable ways to bring it up with your partner  Here are a few tips to make the "patching up" process easier:

TIP #1 - DON'T SWEAT IT.

That's right -- don't sweat it... too much.  Sure, be worried. Worry will keep you from ignoring the problem and hoping it'll go away by itself. (It won't.)  But on the other hand, don't get TOO worried!
Getting too worried can lead to confrontations, begging, arguments, crying -- everything that makes a man think, "Oh man, this is crazy, I gotta get out of here."

Remember my advice -- focus on NOT making things worse!  Instead of worrying too much, stay calm.
Keep the problem as it is -- and find better ways to fix it.  And that leads me to Tip #2:

TIP #2 - USE YOUR HEAD, NOT YOUR HEART.

Here's another "unconventional" piece of advice -- when dealing with a troubled relationship, use your head, not your heart.  In other words, don't use your emotions when trying to fix the relationship -- because your emotions are more likely to lead you to confrontation and arguments!

Here's the secret -- when it comes to GROWING your relationship, use your heart.  But when it comes to FIXING your relationship, use your head!  Relationship problems usually start when you mix things up.  Here's a good example of using your head to fix a troubled relationship:

TIP #3 - INVITE HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT

As I've mentioned, confronting him about the problem doesn't work. He doesn't like being in the spotlight, he doesn't appreciate the pressure, and it simply adds another problem into the mix. So I suggest a different approach --something I call "Inviting him in."  He'll be much more likely to respond to you if you INVITE him to talk instead of FORCING him.  Case in point? A client of mine, CC, who used the following dialogue with her husband to fix a problem in their relationship:
CC: "Honey, is there something wrong?"  CC's husband: "Nothing, I'm fine."
CC: "Okay, but if you need to talk about anything, I'll just be here, okay?"

Guess what? CC's husband immediately told her about his misgivings about certain aspects of their relationship.  What followed was a heart-to-heart talk that lasted several hours, and fortunately, they patched things up and emerged a stronger, happier, more loving married couple.

All because CC "invited" him to talk. No confrontations, no accusations, no bickering!  WHAT NEXT?
Usually, when you can invite him to talk to you honestly about how he feels in the relationship, it's enough to fix the problem.

But why stop there? Why not fix the problem in such a way that it actually PREVENTS any more similar problems from popping up in the relationship?  It CAN be done!  Ordinary women can fix a relationship
problem...

But it takes an absolutely SPECIAL woman to fix a relationship problem FOR GOOD -- and even turn it into something that makes the relationship MUCH stronger for the rest of time. - Alexandra Fox-

Six Forbiden Men

Like all single men, I've committed some royal screw-ups when it comes to women. But as a male columnist*, I've also made some observations about different types of daters that deserve to be passed along. Consider this your road map for where you DON'T want to go in your love life.

#1. Rebound Guy

Knowing how bummed I've been since my ex, Claudia, left for Europe, my buddy tried to set me up with his "fine coworker." Very kind of him, but I declined. With my heart stuck in international customs, there's no way I could make a connection. Not that I wasn't tempted. We men secretly hope we'll never have to deal with our feelings and instead can "fix" our sadness with a new woman. Problem is, we're always comparing her to the ex.

#2. Disappearing Guy

Some seemingly normal guys have a bad habit of vanishing. Excuses like "work's really busy" may be true, but there's often something else going on. My old roommate tried to woo his new girlfriend while still dating his old one. I also know someone who told a woman he was single in New York, although he was married in Ohio. Both guys checked out for days at a time.

When you're just starting to date, it's not like you're tracking a person's every movement. Still, the giveaway is erratic contact. Is he in touch every day and then suddenly MIA? Does he often cancel plans? Or does he suddenly want to meet up in an hour, after not calling all week? Beware.

#3. Slick Guy

With his sporty car, high-tech cell phone, and Swedish designer toothbrush, my college roommate managed to hide his insecurity behind hip stuff. He never let women get close for fear they'd find him out. So women wound up feeling rejected when HE was the one who sucked.

My advice: If his life looks like a magazine spread, steer clear. Say what you will about the guy who has a painting of poker-playing dogs or a mountain of laundry, but I promise you this: He's real.

#4. Rude Guy

I'm amazed at what men get away with. A partial list of nasty moves I've witnessed: checking out the waitress, fiddling with a BlackBerry during dinner, asking the cute bartender for her number when his date is in the bathroom. If a man lets the door slam shut instead of opening it for you, make that all the closure you need.

#5. Grabby Guy

Hands on thighs, stroking things that didn't ask to be stroked, sensual innuendos when you barely know each other -- he may try to explain these things with an "Oh, I'm so attracted to you I can't help it" line. But no matter how attractive you are, he CAN help it. And if you're not getting the respect you want early on, he probably won't surprise you with it later.

#6. Last Year's Guy

Long nights and a fear of being single forever can make going back to an ex seem mighty attractive. I've been guilty of it twice, both during lonely times in the dead of winter. Recycling romance seemed far easier than the unknown, and it was... for the two months before we rediscovered exactly why we broke up in the first place. What's the lesson here? Move forward, not back. And know that it's better to be out there looking than stuck on a couch with some guy you're just going to wind up dumping anyway. He might be happy, but you deserve more.

*Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.

How To Be A Cool Women

How do the men in town see you? Do they even see you at all? It takes a really special woman to catch the attention -- and later on, the RESPECT -- of the men she meets Wouldn't it be great if the men in town knew you by name, and thought you were one of the "coolest" women around?

"G? Yeah, I know her.  She's cool."  "I see G walking around town all alone.  I wonder if she's single..."  "How was your date last night? Was she material?"

Here's the thing -- it takes a really special woman to make men think she's "cool." Are you cool? Do the men around you like you and respect you? Are they impressed by you?  The good news is that being "cool" isn't all that hard to do at all!

TRAIT #1 - DO YOU HAVE A BAD TEMPER?

Do you get made when he doesn't call as often as you want, or when he cancels a date, or when he does something you don't agree with?

Do you sometimes argue with him over what he sees as "little things," but you feel it's a really big deal?
SN, a reader, wrote to me about her situation recently.  She's great buddies with this guy in school, and she sometimes wonders whether this is "the one" for her.

The problem is that he recently did something that made her uneasy.  Here's what SN wrote me:

"We like being together, cracking jokes and just smiling at each other goofily," SN explained. "But a few weeks ago, he didn't make it to my birthday party.  He lives quite a distance away from where I
live, so he wasn't able to make the trip. Alex, should I understand him, or get mad at him?"

SN, here's my advice straight up -- DON'T get mad at him!  He has a good excuse for not being able
to make the trip, so let it slide.  It's a little thing -- and if you get mad at him over a little thing, how bad
will you react when he makes a BIG mistake down the line?

Here's the advice I give my readers and clients all the time -- don't get mad at him over the little things.
ONLY get mad at him if he starts lying, cheating, stealing, or doing anything against the law.
But when he's just being his cute little quirky self, LET IT SLIDE!

"Cool" girls know when to let things slide. When men realize that you're level-headed enough not let the little things bother you, they'll think you're strong enough to handle the BIG things too -- and they find that really, REALLY sexy!

#2 - DO YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS?

Here's another question -- what do you think of women who can sleep with men too quickly in the relationship, such as right after the first date?  Are they cool, or are they uncool?  If you don't know the answer, then don't worry -- a LOT of women don't!  AE, another reader of mine, wrote to me about this VERY common question.  She comes from a conservative background that encourages her to save sex for the first night of marriage.

And while she's proud of her standards, she worries that it's keeping the men away... "Most of the men I met talk about having sex with me within the first few months," AE complained. "I tell them that I'm saving it for marriage, but as a result, they don't stay with me for very long. Should I give in to their wishes to finally get a boyfriend who will stay with me?"

For AE and everyone asking the same question, here's my answer: KEEP YOUR STANDARDS UP!
If your beliefs dictate that you save sex for marriage, stick to your beliefs. If having sex too early in the
relationship makes you feel dirty and guilty, then don't do it.

You're TOTALLY in control of your decisions!  Here's what I think -- would you really lower your standards for a guy?  Would you really sacrifice your integrity just to get a boyfriend?  No, right? (I hope not!)  Ladies, when it comes down to it, your own integrity will always, ALWAYS be more important than a boyfriend. Always!

So that's my advice -- keep your standards up. Stick to what you believe in.  Stick to your values. Stick to your priorities.  Trust me, it takes a VERY strong woman to stand up for her beliefs.  And when you're strong enough to do so, eventually you'll attract men who'll understand you, respect you, and LOVE
you for the truly "cool" woman you are.  And when they finally come, you'll know that it was well worth the wait!

#3 - ARE YOU AFRAID OF GETTING HURT?

Here's the situation -- after a long, casual relationship, he finally tells you he loves you. What do you say?  Do you take him seriously and say "I love you, too?"  Or do you start to feel suspicious --after all, your relationship has been non-committed all this time?

That's the situation that JH, one of my readers, found herself in just recently.  Let's read her e-mail together:

"We've been in a non-committed relationship for the past 5 months," JH wrote. "But one day, I got into a car accident with a semi-truck. I wasn't hurt, but my boyfriend made the two-hour trip from his town to see me that night.  While cuddling, he finally said 'I love you' to me.   I didn't say anything.

"Alex, is he serious? I'm just scared of getting hurt by a guy again.  I've already experienced being left by a boyfriend in the past, even after he told me he loved me."  Well, JH, here's my advice -- do you love him back?  If you do, then take a chance on the relationship and TELL HIM!  Here's an important difference between ordinary and "cool" women.  "Cool" women aren't afraid to get hurt by a relationship that doesn't work out.  If the relationship works out, great.  If it doesn't, that's okay -- she's too cool to be hung up over one guy anyway!  So don't be afraid of getting hurt.  After all, most of us go through a few bad boys before we meet "Mr. Right!"

Just make sure that the guy you're seeing is always better than the last one -- don't settle for any less. That way you'll keep meeting better and higher-quality men all the time!

WANT TO BE COOL?

The bottom line is this -- a "cool" woman knows her way around the dating game. She knows how love works, she knows what she wants, and she knows EXACTLY how to deal with the men she meets in her life.

 -Alexandra Fox-

Doc Love: Trust Issues

Doc Love: Trust Issues

What Makes A Man Leave

What makes a man leave arelationship? How come no matter how much you love each other, some
relationships end in break-ups anyway? Often, it takes just ONE THING to ruin a wonderful relationship.
Today, we'll be talking about three of the top reasons why men leave.

Right now, think of your past relationships. Have you ever wondered why they didn't work out, even if you loved each other very much?  Here are some of the most likely reasons!

REASON #1 - HE MIGHT BE SCARED OF YOU.

Surprised?  I know how "unmanly" it may sound to hear a guy's actually SCARED of you.  But guess what? It happens a lot in the dating game!  Sometimes, a guy simply loves you SO MUCH that his mind totally goes blank when he's with you -- and that's why the relationship never takes off!

One of my readers, let's call her GD, was once in a relationship with a good friend of hers. The relationship didn't work out, but after the break-up, that was when she actually fell in love HARD
with him.  And now, no matter what she tries, she can't seem to get him back again!

"We get along fine whenever we're with his friends," GD wrote to me. "But when we're alone together, he's suddenly nervous and jittery.  He doesn't seem to want to talk about the relationship, and it's almost like he wants to get away from me. Alex, does he find me unattractive?"

GD, I don't think he finds you unattractive.  In fact, I think he actually LOVES you, too!  But yes, I do see a problem -- it seems that even though he has feelings for you too, he simply doesn't know how to handle you. That's why he seems so nervous around you!  So here's my advice -- keep spending time with him.

Little by little, show him (don't tell him) that he can trust you with anything. Show him that he can tell you anything, no matter how secret or naughty or embarrassing it might be.  Why? Simple...

The first thing he needs to be is COMFORTABLE with you! If he seems nervous around you, it could be because he's worried about turning you off or offending you.  When you feel this is the case, try to
make him more comfortable by having an "anything goes" approach to yourconversation.  Got it? Good. Let's move on to the second top reason why men leave:

REASON #2 - YOU DEPEND TOO MUCH ON HIM.

Another reason why men leave their relationships is because their girlfriends or wives depend too much on them.  True, it's the guy's job to keep the relationship stable.

But sometimes, when the woman does too little, then the pressure gets too much for him to bear -- and he starts looking for the easy way out.  Another one of my readers, KC, has been in-and-out of her relationship with her man since 1998.  That's right -- in-and-out for almost 13 whole years! Could you believe it?  But that was KC's reality, and she explained it well in her e-mail to me:"I don't understand why our relationship isn't working," KC wrote. "I've put him ahead of me. I'm willing to sacrifice my integrity just to make him happy and keep the relationship together. I simply can't live without him, Alex -- I'd rather die than not have him by my side! What can I do?"

KC, I hate to break it to you, but I've a feeling that since you pin too much of your happiness on him, you're putting him under a LOT of pressure.  After all, he has his own happiness to worry about, too – taking responsibility for the happiness of TWO people might be a little too much for him.

So here's my (painful) advice – for your sake and his sake, let go of your dependence on him.  Learn to stand on your own two feet.  Learn to depend on YOURSELF for your own happiness.  The easier the relationship becomes for him, the easier it will be for him to stay!

Ironically, "letting go" actually encourages him to stay...When you let go of your dependence on him, and simply let him know that you'll always be there for him, then he'll be more likely to realize that you ARE the best person to spend the rest of his life with.  Don't push the issue -- invite him in!

Now let's move on to the third top reason why he may have broken up with you:

#3 - HE'S NOT READY FOR THE RESPONSIBILITY.

Let's face the sad fact -- most men out there simply aren't ready for the responsibilities of a serious
relationship.  The reasons vary...Sometimes they love being single too much. Sometimes they haven't recovered from a bad relationship yet. And sometimes they're just jerks!

Our third reader e-mail today comes from DA. The man in her life still hasn't recovered from a bad past relationship, and is actually still in love with his ex-girlfriend.  DA, for her part, does what she can to support him and love him -- sometimes, a little too much...

"I always console him whenever he misses his ex-girlfriend," DA writes. "One night, when he was particularly lonely, I actually let him into the bedroom and had comfort sex with him. Later on, he
told me that while he DID love me, he felt I didn't deserve someone messed up like him. What should I do?"  DA, I think it's pretty obvious – he simply isn't ready for a new relationship.

He's not ready to take responsibility for a new relationship when he's still "tying up loose ends" in a previous one.  And if a guy isn't ready for the responsibilities, then your relationship will ALWAYS be unstable and unsure!  So here's my advice: Simply be there for him.

I've a feeling he feels ashamed, since he's torn between two women and you're the one who's suffering the most.  Don't make the mistake of FORCING him to forget his ex-girlfriend -- it's insensitive, and he'll resent it!  Instead, gently let him know about YOUR wishes for the relationship.   For instance, tell him: "I love you, and I'm very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.  But if you need time to sort your feelings, I won't stop you.  Just remember that I'll always be here for you."  See? Now he knows what YOU want, and that you're not holding his problems against him.  It's a big step in making him realize that you really ARE better for him than his ex-girlfriend -- and it'll motivate him to truly, finally close that chapter in his life, and start a new one with you!

-Alexandra Fox-

What Men Find Irresistable

How many opportunities at love and happiness did you miss last year?  I'd like you to resolve to STOP making dating mistakes this year, and learn the secrets to becoming more attractive, more seductive, and more irresistible to the men you meet!

We're well into the New Year. How are you doing in the dating-and-relationships part of things so far?
No matter how well or how badly you're doing, I'd like you to stick with me, and resolve to reduce the things you do that make men run, and instead learn the skills you need to ATTRACT them into your life!

Yes, I'm talking about becoming absolutely, completely IRRESISTIBLE to the men you meet.  I want you to become so fantastically attractive that it doesn't matter who you meet -- they can't help but feel SMITTEN by your seductive charm!

And to get started, I'd like you to make these 3 "New Year's Resolutions" that are practically guaranteed to make you more attractive INSTANTLY.

RESOLUTION #1 - STOP PLAYING MIND GAMES.

These days, it seems like we women are "wired" to play mind games with the men in our lives.  It's like dating and relationships have their own brand of "politics!"  For instance, whenever we feel neglected
by our men, we try to make him jealous-- such as by meeting new men and having them text, call, or post on our Facebook walls.

Ladies, I'd like you to stop playing these mind games. They may be fun sometimes, and they may swing things in your favor for a short while.  But they never work for the long-term, no matter how well you play these games!  Trust me -- when you keep playing mind games, you'll either end up with a weak,
immature man who gets manipulated too easily, or you'll watch helplessly as he stops putting up with your games and walks away, leaving you utterly alone and miserable!

RESOLVE TO BE MORE EMOTIONALLY-MATURE THIS 2011

You know what men find REALLY irresistible? It's a woman who's strong, confident, and independent.
These are the women who can take care of themselves, living fabulous lives with or without a man in the picture.  And, yes, I want you to be one!

Strong, confident, and independent women are a rarity these days -- which is basically why they're so in-demand.  Men absolutely LOVE being with women who don't need to be "handled with care."  They love spending less time babying you, and more time building the relationship!

To become stronger, more confident, and more independent, I suggest you start small. Take note of the challenges that come your way this year, whether it's at work, at home, or in dating.  And as they come, instead of complaining or feeling weak, resolve to stand up and face them -- and come out stronger on
the other side!

RESOLUTION #2 - STOP CRITICIZING HIM.

I'm sure there are times when you want to be "in charge" of things in your relationship. And when things aren't going too well in the relationship, you point it out to your boyfriend and tell him how things are "supposed to be done."  Or sometimes, it's the other way around -- you let your boyfriend "take charge"
of things, but when you feel he's not doing a good enough job, you call him out.

Ladies, criticism almost never works for the better in a relationship.  It puts him under pressure, it makes him feel less of a man, and it doesn't fix the problem.   So I suggest you take a different approach. Instead of accusing him of doing and being things he's not supposed to be, start treating him like the man you want him to be!

RESOLVE TO RESPECT HIM FOR WHO HE IS

JY, a friend of mine, once told me that she had high standards for her "ideal boyfriend" -- tall, handsome, lean, smart, hardworking, and successful. "But most of all," she said, "he has to accept me for who I am."

That's when I asked her, "Don't you think you should accept him for who he is, too?"
Everyone -- you, me, the people we meet, everyone -- has their quirks!  And if you don't tolerate the quirks of the men you meet, then it's likely they're not going to tolerate your own quirks, as well -- and you'll never see eye-to-eye.

But when you know he's not perfect -- but you say, "I love him anyway" – guys LOVE that! And they'll love you for that, too.  And the more you respect him for who he is, the more compelled he'll feel to be
a good partner and take good care of the relationship!

RESOLUTION #3 - GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

Here's a trap that many of us fall into -- once we settle into a "good" relationship, we struggle to keep things the way we want them to be.  We resist any change to the routines we've gotten used to with our
boyfriends.  In other words, we settle into a "comfort zone" of sorts.

And comfort zones never serve you well.  In business, for instance, it's been predicted that the skills that keep money flowing into your life today will be obsolete four years from now.  And the only way to keep pace with the growing world is to grow with it!

The same thing goes for dating and relationships.  If you don't grow – if you don't learn new things and rise to the challenges that come your way -- then you tend to get rancid.

Your boyfriend will grow tired of taking care of you, and he'll start looking for a way out. Trust me, yo do NOT want that to happen this year!

RESOLVE TO KEEP GETTING BETTER AT THE DATING GAME.

One of the simplest and easiest ways to be irresistible to the men you meet is to always, always bring new things to the table.  Trust me -- it's fun learning new "dating game techniques," and then actually going out there and trying them out for yourself.  And, yes, it's fun for the men you meet, too!

When you constantly get better at the dating game, you'll also constantly meet better and better men.
And eventually, there will be a time when you finally find the best one in the bunch -- one who's actually willing to sit down and talk about the future with you!

WILL YOU MEET HIM THIS YEAR?

It depends! If you keep getting better at the dating game, and if you keep meeting new and better men every single week, then yes -- I'm pretty sure you'll meet "the one" this year!