Will He Reply My Mail?

I made a decition to wrote him an email yesterday, asking him how he's doing..At first I wasn't sure I want to send it to him.  I have a confusion between missing him and rejection.  What if he doesn't reply? if he's forgotten me intentionly? what if he s thinking i'm stubborn..so I wrote first draft in french, but my finger cannot even dare to click the "send" button.  Then I decided to saved it, in case i changed my mood to send it later.  Ok I tried to forgot about that plan.  I was thinking..why would I have to do this? He is the one who have to find me..not me..

all the angel and devil are in war in my mind to find whether i should send it or not with good or bad calculations.  Then I tried to changed the draft in english also the subject.  But once again, I failed..

Today I read the horoscope telling their fortune to make a contact with "someone special" cos it said will have a good respons more than i can imagine.  I thought..hmm..ok then maybe it is time for me to send the mail, so without any doubt I send it.  I wasn't dare to open my email a whole day today, cos I don't want to be sad if there is no respons from him.  But I have to open it somehow, and no replied yet..):

Ahh..why do I have to do this? my friend encourage me to email him, and told me that if he doesn't respon I don't have to be ashamed at all.  But now, I felt so ashamed? I feel embarrased to myself.  Who doesn't feel ashamed of being rejected?

I tried to follow my intuitions, but i'm confused which is my intuition and which is my mind?  the other part saying i miss him and wants to know about him, and the other part is denial, saying that i shouldn't do the work but him.  It was like a battle between ego and desire.  

As a lady theoriticaly, books and wise people says that women should be choosen, so that means that I shouldn't do much work to get a men's attentions.  But all this time, He is the one who do the chase..but time goes by and people changed, so did he..He's began to cold, ignorance..and I felt left out.  So, instinctively..I begin to work..I don't know if it s true or not.  I have a high self proudness, that I learn from my grandma..she told me not to ask a men..she told me to let the men do the work by his own will.  So, I thought if this guy, wasnt do much for me, that means he s not that into me!  but..he said he wants to be serious with me?

I think I got the point now..I should forget about him! I should ignored what he said..he just a bullshit.

I'm not sure he will come to Indonesia just what he "promised"  If he is the men of honour, he will come as he promised me.  That is his job..he promised..I'm curious if his mom ever taught him about honoring his "words".

What can he do for me? He said he was busy working to get money to come..ok i tried to trust him.  I hope he's really a good guy just like he said.  Oh come on Ginggi..he just playing with you! so stop thinking about him and move on!

Ok I will..God please give me a clue! and strength if I have to go on..Amieen..